“I, Tracey Lynnelle Rogers, do solemnly swear, to embrace all that I am; to be all that I am, unapologetically; to live fully in the present moment; to embody a great love; to exude a great love; to awaken great love in those I meet, and in all that I do. May it be so.”
First published on Rebelle Society
Shall we get right to it?
1. Unlearn the Ways of Patriarchy (this includes sexism, white supremacy, and capitalism)
I know not all men are incapable of running the world. I also know many women who believe that to run things in this world (e.g., Fortune 500s, international NGOs, countries, etc.), one must think like a man and present as un-woman-like. I say, no more!
Traditional patriarchy centers on the belief that men hold the power, while women are largely excluded and conditioned to be subservient. This is a problem, and it is the root cause of sexism. In a patriarchal society, men are considered the more dominant, stronger sex. They are the experts — the authorities here to protect humanity from both real and perceived danger.
"When all you see is your pain, you lose sight of me." ~God/Papa from "The Shack"
Iyanla Vanzant wrote: “You can accept or reject the way you are treated by other people. But until you heal the wounds of your past, you will continue to bleed. You can bandage the bleeding with food, with alcohol, with drugs, with work, with cigarettes, with sex, but eventually, it will all ooze through and stain your life. You must find the strength to open the wounds, stick your hands inside, pull out the core of the pain that is holding you in your past, the memories, and make peace with them.” Her choice of words, “pull out the core of the pain,” strikes me the most. What does one do with that pain? How does one make peace with it?
During any initial Life Coach session, I like to do what is called “emptying out.” I ask my clients a series of questions around the intentions they have set to live empowered lives, so that they might identify what could trip them up and get in the way...and it is always something. Time and time again, it comes back to fear. Fear of success, fear of loss, fear of failure, and the pain that comes with it. It is the pain of sitting through anxiety and uncertainty. The pain of our upbringing and social conditioning. The pain of our trauma from past experiences. The pain of outdated stories and narratives. It is always something. But at least my clients can name what that pain is; it is why they tend to be some of my best teachers. Once you name it, it gets easy, right?
No. Then you have you to acknowledge what triggers the pain. Where does it come from? What unconscious responses have been deeply ingrained that lead to my pain? What is it that forces us to neglect, numb, put off, hide away, or run when pain creeps in? Who taught us that, and how does it surface? Who would have thought that healing involved becoming intimate with pain in such a way? Paying attention to it. Watching it closely. Feeling when it has arrived, and then, nursing it. Imagine your pain like a small child; it does not need to be fed as much as it needs to be reassured, feel loved and secure. This involves being the adult – being your own parent – and setting some ground rules. It involves taking responsibility for the ways in which you respond to pain.
It involves falling into trust.
Maybe you don’t believe in a higher power, but I am sure you know the power of kindness. Maybe you find it hard to forgive, but I am sure you know the lightness that forgiveness can bring. Maybe you would prefer to play the role of victim, but I am sure you understand how this only perpetuates the roles of guilt and shame in our lives. Maybe the suggestion to take responsibility for how you respond to pain seems overwhelming. But I am sure you know that once you own your shit, you have the power to heal. Knowledge, and the understanding of such things, makes it easier to fall into trust. It is the kind of trust that reassures, no matter how hard you fall, you will always heal.
Check your horoscopes to see what’s in store this week ahead, and don’t forget to read for your Ascendant sign, too.
…thank you for allowing me to bear witness to your love during your couples’ astrology reading. Thank you for being vulnerable as I read your birth charts, and discussed the very personal aspects of your relationship. Thank you for your openness to receiving my insights, while recommitting yourselves to each other through a willingness to deepen your bond and connection. To the Cancer: You love your wife deeply. It was evident in the way you looked at her affectionately throughout our session; the way your eyes teared up when words properly conveyed the depth of your love, and the peace you found in seeing your spouse more clearly. To the Scorpio: You would do anything for your husband – anything. You love him fiercely; your pride in the man that he is let me know what to look for in my future husband.
“I am deliberate, and afraid of nothing.” ~Audre Lorde
I spent most of my weekend empowering, and being empowered by, black women. While my clientele is diverse, the coaching sessions and back to back vision board events I facilitated kept me in spaces filled with women of color. This does not happen very often, and when it does, I am immediately recharged. Being in a room full of women of color is a magical experience. I am so proud to be black.
"It is funny how people who know the least about you have the most to say." ~Unknown
I was in line waiting for my sister and niece to join me as we ordered food at the mall the other day. When they walked up next to me, the woman behind us confronted my sister, and accused her of cutting in line. My sister calmly explained that I had been standing there for the three of us, and reassured the woman that she was not cutting the line. The woman went on with stories and grievances of people cutting in front of her intentionally, to which my sister responded: “Ok…But WE don’t do things like that.”
As I think about what to write in this week’s blog that would inspire you to be a part of my biggest launch yet, I can’t help but to feel nervous and uncertain. It is not because I am doubtful, but because I know that it is time, and because I am ready. I am ready to live unapologetically as a person of worth – a woman both strong and apprehensive, intelligent and naïve, and aware of the many paradoxes that make me whole, unique, and real. I am ready to own my inherited divine gifts, applying black girl magic to the nuts and bolts of my everyday life. I am ready to use my knowledge to empower others, not as a leader or expert, but as a woman who knows herself, and thus, the ways of the universe. I am ready to remind women everywhere, from all walks of life, that they too know themselves, and thus, the ways of the universe.
A Letter to Dae’Anna Reynolds, witness to the murder of Philando Castille
You and I have never met, but I know your little Soul. It is one of bravery, courage, and wisdom – an old Soul, really. I suspect that you get these qualities from your Mommy, Diamond, who displayed such calm and composure when her fiancé, Philando, was killed earlier this week. I watched the video your Mommy recorded, and I was so scared. But it was not as scary as it must have been for you, sitting in the backseat, watching it all happen. I continue to keep Philando, and you, and your Mommy in my prayers. I hope that whatever sadness you feel goes away quickly, so that you can get back to being the kid that you are who loves fireworks!
Originally posted on Rebelle Society
...and for that, I will not apologize. But I do apologize that you were unwittingly seduced by the power you stumbled upon when our eyes first met. My light may have shone too bright. My essence may have expanded under the focus of your gaze. For certain, you glimpsed my Soul on that day, in her full spectrum of beauty.
It was an interesting experience, to say the least. There I sat, on my couch, gripped by despair as tears fell and I gasped for air. I could not believe what was happening, that I was having this same experience. I was desperate and willing to learn this lesson once and for all, but felt paralyzed by insurmountable shame. It was in that moment of bewilderment that something shifted. I leaned into my despair, now curled in a ball on the floor clenching my fists. I took a deep surrendering breath, and was immediately transported directly to the source of my pain.
Originally published on Rebelle Society