"When all you see is your pain, you lose sight of me." ~God/Papa from "The Shack"
Iyanla Vanzant wrote: “You can accept or reject the way you are treated by other people. But until you heal the wounds of your past, you will continue to bleed. You can bandage the bleeding with food, with alcohol, with drugs, with work, with cigarettes, with sex, but eventually, it will all ooze through and stain your life. You must find the strength to open the wounds, stick your hands inside, pull out the core of the pain that is holding you in your past, the memories, and make peace with them.” Her choice of words, “pull out the core of the pain,” strikes me the most. What does one do with that pain? How does one make peace with it?
Iyanla Vanzant wrote: “You can accept or reject the way you are treated by other people. But until you heal the wounds of your past, you will continue to bleed. You can bandage the bleeding with food, with alcohol, with drugs, with work, with cigarettes, with sex, but eventually, it will all ooze through and stain your life. You must find the strength to open the wounds, stick your hands inside, pull out the core of the pain that is holding you in your past, the memories, and make peace with them.” Her choice of words, “pull out the core of the pain,” strikes me the most. What does one do with that pain? How does one make peace with it?
During any initial Life Coach session, I like to do what is called “emptying out.” I ask my clients a series of questions around the intentions they have set to live empowered lives, so that they might identify what could trip them up and get in the way...and it is always something. Time and time again, it comes back to fear. Fear of success, fear of loss, fear of failure, and the pain that comes with it. It is the pain of sitting through anxiety and uncertainty. The pain of our upbringing and social conditioning. The pain of our trauma from past experiences. The pain of outdated stories and narratives. It is always something. But at least my clients can name what that pain is; it is why they tend to be some of my best teachers. Once you name it, it gets easy, right?
No. Then you have you to acknowledge what triggers the pain. Where does it come from? What unconscious responses have been deeply ingrained that lead to my pain? What is it that forces us to neglect, numb, put off, hide away, or run when pain creeps in? Who taught us that, and how does it surface? Who would have thought that healing involved becoming intimate with pain in such a way? Paying attention to it. Watching it closely. Feeling when it has arrived, and then, nursing it. Imagine your pain like a small child; it does not need to be fed as much as it needs to be reassured, feel loved and secure. This involves being the adult – being your own parent – and setting some ground rules. It involves taking responsibility for the ways in which you respond to pain.
It involves falling into trust.
Maybe you don’t believe in a higher power, but I am sure you know the power of kindness. Maybe you find it hard to forgive, but I am sure you know the lightness that forgiveness can bring. Maybe you would prefer to play the role of victim, but I am sure you understand how this only perpetuates the roles of guilt and shame in our lives. Maybe the suggestion to take responsibility for how you respond to pain seems overwhelming. But I am sure you know that once you own your shit, you have the power to heal. Knowledge, and the understanding of such things, makes it easier to fall into trust. It is the kind of trust that reassures, no matter how hard you fall, you will always heal.
Check your horoscopes to see what’s in store this week ahead, and don’t forget to read for your Ascendant sign, too.
No. Then you have you to acknowledge what triggers the pain. Where does it come from? What unconscious responses have been deeply ingrained that lead to my pain? What is it that forces us to neglect, numb, put off, hide away, or run when pain creeps in? Who taught us that, and how does it surface? Who would have thought that healing involved becoming intimate with pain in such a way? Paying attention to it. Watching it closely. Feeling when it has arrived, and then, nursing it. Imagine your pain like a small child; it does not need to be fed as much as it needs to be reassured, feel loved and secure. This involves being the adult – being your own parent – and setting some ground rules. It involves taking responsibility for the ways in which you respond to pain.
It involves falling into trust.
Maybe you don’t believe in a higher power, but I am sure you know the power of kindness. Maybe you find it hard to forgive, but I am sure you know the lightness that forgiveness can bring. Maybe you would prefer to play the role of victim, but I am sure you understand how this only perpetuates the roles of guilt and shame in our lives. Maybe the suggestion to take responsibility for how you respond to pain seems overwhelming. But I am sure you know that once you own your shit, you have the power to heal. Knowledge, and the understanding of such things, makes it easier to fall into trust. It is the kind of trust that reassures, no matter how hard you fall, you will always heal.
Check your horoscopes to see what’s in store this week ahead, and don’t forget to read for your Ascendant sign, too.
