“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.” ~Bernard Baruch
I have been wanting to write this blog for a while now, but could not find the words, and felt a little scared to do so. You see, I have recently discovered yet another damaging belief that I continue to internalize, and it goes something like this: If I disappoint others, they will no longer want to love, befriend, or support me.
I have been wanting to write this blog for a while now, but could not find the words, and felt a little scared to do so. You see, I have recently discovered yet another damaging belief that I continue to internalize, and it goes something like this: If I disappoint others, they will no longer want to love, befriend, or support me.
I am very much aware of where this narrative came from, which is good. But I had no idea the extent of its debilitating influence on my life until recently. Over the past few weeks, I have disappointed some people – friends, family, and even clients. Not intentionally, of course, and as far as I know I have not lost their love, friendship, or support. It is even possible that I did not disappoint anyone. Maybe I am making a big deal out of nothing. It doesn’t matter, nevertheless. I have been hard on myself with accusations, trying to fight off anxiety.
Interestingly, I am also becoming more acutely aware of people’s expectations of me. Some expectations are fair, some are not, and I find myself trying to navigate how best to show up for those I love who need me to do and be better, while drawing a loving boundary with those I love whose demands of me are unreasonable. This, too, brings me anxiety.
With all that said, some of the best advice I’ve ever received was that people are never trying to disappoint you. I genuinely believe we are all doing the best that we can at our own capacities. While it can be challenging not to hold people to account for their limitations (I can be a harsh critic, indeed), compassion and understanding are always required in my opinion. Kindness and mercy are virtues I try to practice daily.
As I continue to work to unlearn this damaging belief so that I can stop being so hard on myself, it helps for me to remember that sometimes disappointing others is a form of self-care. Sometimes, you have to say no. Sometimes, life happens. Sometimes, you have to miss out on something important. Sometimes, you will disappoint, unintentionally, and, out of necessity.
I too have been gravely disappointed by others; it is a part of life. While I try not to set myself up to be let down, managing my expectations as best I can while stating my expectations as clearly as possible, I am better at showing compassion and understanding. And I must believe, if not consider at the very least, that those who love me – those whom I have disappointed – are equally committed to showing me compassion and understanding.
Check your horoscopes to see what’s in store this week ahead, and don’t forget to read for your Ascendant sign too.
Interestingly, I am also becoming more acutely aware of people’s expectations of me. Some expectations are fair, some are not, and I find myself trying to navigate how best to show up for those I love who need me to do and be better, while drawing a loving boundary with those I love whose demands of me are unreasonable. This, too, brings me anxiety.
With all that said, some of the best advice I’ve ever received was that people are never trying to disappoint you. I genuinely believe we are all doing the best that we can at our own capacities. While it can be challenging not to hold people to account for their limitations (I can be a harsh critic, indeed), compassion and understanding are always required in my opinion. Kindness and mercy are virtues I try to practice daily.
As I continue to work to unlearn this damaging belief so that I can stop being so hard on myself, it helps for me to remember that sometimes disappointing others is a form of self-care. Sometimes, you have to say no. Sometimes, life happens. Sometimes, you have to miss out on something important. Sometimes, you will disappoint, unintentionally, and, out of necessity.
I too have been gravely disappointed by others; it is a part of life. While I try not to set myself up to be let down, managing my expectations as best I can while stating my expectations as clearly as possible, I am better at showing compassion and understanding. And I must believe, if not consider at the very least, that those who love me – those whom I have disappointed – are equally committed to showing me compassion and understanding.
Check your horoscopes to see what’s in store this week ahead, and don’t forget to read for your Ascendant sign too.
