Originally published on Rebelle Society
These words made me tremble as I sat up at attention. I quickly began to see how I relied on others to save me from the things that scared me. If I could heal you, help you, or love you in any way, then I myself would be healed, helped, and loved. This was the pattern that played out time and time again until I finally got the message that it simply did not work this way. I had it backwards. I needed to heal myself, first. Only I could apply a soothing balm to my wounds. Only I could console and nurture me. The gentleness required was comforting. My pain was delicate. Only delicate care would do.
I became engrossed in this unfolding that soon took my breath away. I likened myself to a little girl, forever in need of safety and protection. Like most fears, hers stemmed from childhood. As she grew older, she was often reminded of past hurts that crippled her ability to live in the present. But her desire to live and to love persisted, even as she grappled with life’s twists and turns. She was as terrified as she was courageous. I knew her well because we were the same. As I looked more curiously at her complexity, I caught a glimpse of the rare gem that was my Soul.
I began to feel composed enough to gather the wounded parts of me scattered on the floor. I collected each piece with a tender touch, like a precious stone. Some remnants stained the ground beneath me however, as some wounds never fully heal. But that did not matter; I could see clearly now, all of my perfect imperfections. I felt liberated as I wept tears of acceptance. In that moment, I marveled at the most beautiful thing I had ever seen – the beauty of my pain, and me.